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Just Give Up and Eat Crap.



Apparently The International House of Pancakes has had enough of your refusal to eat their high-calorie flapjacks. They are now taking the militant route to forcing these thick cakes down your gullet by reminding you in a glossy campaign to SURRENDER to their syrupy-sweet will.

In a series of on-site posters, television commercials and web ads, a trio of new dessert-themed pancakes are photographed in sensual, erotica-style lighting, with feminine font telling you that "To surrender is the only option."

It's called "Pancake Surrender."

IHOP seems to be telling its potential customers to give up on any notions of healthy eating. It's as though they're saying, "Fuck your diet. Your fat ass is going to win anyway."

Resistance is Futile, friends. Give up. You're all going to die of heart attacks at 50 anyway, hardened arteries clogged with years of roadside-chain-restaurant grease, keeping your saccharine blood from reaching your overworked lungs till a whole team of medics comes and hauls your 400-pound body away...

I wish I was making this up, guys. We apparently are in a war with the forces of junk food, and its peddlers have the gall to tell us to put up the white flag.
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Salem said…
That truly is the story of America. They tell us we are all fat and we should change, but at the same time they flash a fat-food-junkie's dream right in front of them at all times. I guess at least you will die with a full stomach.
November 30, 2007 at 2:39 PM
Unknown said…
Aye, but the true enemy is not mere gluttony, or even the pervasiveness of that foul heroin of fast food, corn syrup, but the vole fat that they can now texturize into nearly anything. They can make the stuff chewy, creamy, puffy, crunchy, crispy, gooey, or any other mouth-feel they desire, and then they can use all the flavorings, natural and otherwise, they can synthesize or buy to make it taste just so. Ever bite into a *insert big fast food chain* burger lately? It's probably 80% vole fat by weight, quite possibly more if it's "breaded". Now, I like voles, but this is going a bit far!

We're growing a generation of children who'd hate real food even if it had the current favorite cartoon character stamped directly onto the meal! It's bad enough when people in my age group turn down real whipped cream because it isn't sweet enough! It's bad enough when you can't buy a granola bar without choosing between chocolate chip and marshmallows! It's bad enough when REAL MARSHMALLOWS aren't used in those damn granola bars! PLEASE--THINK OF THE VOLES!
December 19, 2007 at 1:09 AM
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